Job searching like a fiend.

For the last 2 months, my life has centered around my quest for a teaching job. Graduating was awesome. I've never been more proud of myself. I'm trying to remember that as I apply to job after job and hear from very few schools. It's frightening. I know there's still time, so I'm not in total freak out yet. At least this is occupying most of my time. I'm kind of being less stupid in the guy department when I'm focused on this. I stress that I'm kinda less stupid.
Ah well...

A Big Day

Had I stayed with my ex (who I broke up with just about a year ago), today would have been our wedding day. Just saying that is scary.

I didn't know how I'd make it through this day, but I'm unexpectedly overwhelmed by how fortunate I am. I was in a big rush to be a "real" grown up and settle down, but I was also in a rush to settle.

Over the last year, I've learned a lot about myself and about what I want in life. I may not be perfectly content right now, but I'm free, and I'm safe. Those are two things I'll never compromise on, so anyone I end up with needs to make me feel that I'm still free and safe, not trapped and scared.

I'm not going to settle ever again.

I'm not going to tell you about this one.

Because every time I post about a new boy, it doesn't work out, and I look like a fool.

I'm very hopeful this time, so I'll tell you about it later. Maybe this time, it will be good news.

<3

Because I&apos;m an idiot,

I've fallen for a boy that does not meet any of my criteria. He's young. He's not in school. He smokes. He's in a band. He has an audience on every social networking medium made up of other bands, attention-seeking fans, sluts, and even strippers! Cool.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm just riding it out to see where it goes, if anywhere. I'm not pushing anything in any direction, just letting whatever happens happen.

This approach can't be worse than how things have been turning out. We'll see...

The Never Ending Rollercoaster.

As is becoming typical of me, I've completely changed my mind overnight. Just when I think I'm ready for a relationship, I wake up one morning wanting nothing to do with the situation. I'm going to stop making myself crazy over this nonsense and go back to worrying about school. Ugh.

New Horizons

I am a mere 6 weeks away from graduating college. I have already passed the halfway point of my student teaching, which I can't believe. I was already in love with the school before I started, but my love has grown desperate. I simply can't believe I'm expected to walk out of there on my last day,after saying my goodbyes, and not throw a fit.

I worried so much about finding a place where I fit in and was comfortable, and I didn't think I would. However, this middle school has proven to be an amazing environment that I desperately want to be a part of. I love the teachers here. I get along with everyone, and I feel at home. It's amazing. This is where I belong. This is where I want to spend a few decades of my life, where I want to build my future.

Add to all this emotion a teacher that has shown interest in me. We've been talking everyday, but only hung out twice, and already, I'm enamored. It's unreal. It's quite clear that he feels the same. He's all about me. I'm all about him. And my coworker has already planned our wedding! Haha it's funny, but it really is crazy how fast this is happening. It's even crazier that I'm not running away in fear. I'm heading right into this.

It is the first time I have met someone who is established, ambitious, looking for the long term, amazing with children, intelligent, funny, gentlemanly, affectionate, respectful... I could keep going. He's perfect. I'm convinced that I will marry him some day. For now, we will go on dates now and then. The fact that I'm already thinking of the future is significant. It doesn't overwhelm me; it thrills me. Like I said, I'm enamored.

I've also heard mention of a potential position opening up that would be beyond perfection. I can't even think about it because the possibility of not getting it terrifies me. Regardless of what happens, I'm graduating college and going out into the world to make a difference in kids' lives. I'm going to do what I love and what I've wanted to do since I was a little kid. I may even have an amazing man by my side that I can build a life with. I may get to teach at the same school, at a place where I feel happy and at home. The horizon is looking bright, and I can't wait to get started.

<3

What do you do when you meet the man of your dreams?

I'm about to find out...

Meeting Danny Briere (Flyers center #48) tomorrow at his signing.

I feel faint already...

Eeek!