I'm longing for human contact.
The last few nights I've been having dreams where I'm pregnant, which is a normal thing once in a while, but they're occurring incessantly... Again.
It's weird because there is no father in the dreams, but I'm still so happy.
While with my ex, the baby dreams were constant, and of course, they were his. But in these dreams, I don't know who the father is and I don't care. I even laughed about not knowing whose it was in one dream.
It's the reaffirmation that I'm trying to get my life started, but there are still pieces missing. I have a career now. I'm looking at houses. I have a salary, my own insurance, and a million possibilities ahead of me. I just don't have anyone to share any of it with.
Both my mind and body are rebelling against this fact, but there's nothing I can do to calm it. I wish I could be content with being young and single, and for a while I am, but it always comes back to this: feeling dead. Having dreams where I'm thrilled about having a baby, only to wake up and feel crushed at the realization of reality.
Ah, sigh.
